High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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