i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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