FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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