so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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