he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
