dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
