Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
