I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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