I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
