mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
