Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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