i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
