What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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