EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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