She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
