I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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