Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
