just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your penis caused this!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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