Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
