yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
