I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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