Please, let me fuck your mom
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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