I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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