The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
