im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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