My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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