Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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