I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
and you fell through a lawn chair
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
