If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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