Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
