last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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