no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
