How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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