Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
