And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
