just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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