best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
