I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Panties = found
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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