kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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