So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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