Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
