I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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