Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
