i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
