dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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