the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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