Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
