I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
