um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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