My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
