Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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