I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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