I accidentally had phone sex last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i would punch a child for taco bell
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
