im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
