lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
