lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
