I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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