It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
