So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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