you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
