my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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