If i come over, it means nothing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
