I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's the barista slut.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
