she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
