Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
