i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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