I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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