I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
