:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
