chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
