you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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