I'll bet she douches with gravy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
