My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can text with my tongue
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
