Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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