I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
