just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
