My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
